Flip House #4 Before and Afters

Shortly before closing on this property I was hit with the undeniable urge, desire, command to renovate this property for my birth mother. If you’re just joining us and don’t know how this came to be, catch up here.

This decision changed the course of my plans for the home. Since I would know the person who would be living here I was able to personalize and customize it to her tastes, a liberty a home-flipper isn’t customarily allowed. Flips typically are neutral, vanilla to maximize appeal. But this time, THIS TIME, I would get to do some fun things. Maniacally steeples fingers and arches eyebrow.

As I said in the last post, I learned that her favorite color is blue- specifically turquoisey aqua types of blue. I wanted to incorporate this into the home somehow, without painting all of the walls bright blue. I was also going to be decorating the house so I had some room to run here. She lives alone, so I wanted the home to feel feminine. A she-shack. A bachelorette pad. All of the fun choices you would make if you weren’t subject to the judgey eyes of man-folk.

THE EXTERIOR

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The exterior changed in increments.

Stage one: new roof, who dis?

I selected a dark charcoal shingle for the new roof. I knew it would pair well with the changes I planned to make to the exterior. We have a friend from church with a roofing crew, and Kevin loosely explained to him that I was remodeling this home for “a relative”- the full truth of who the relative was being too long and complex and oversharey for two men engaging in a quick five minute phone call. Nevertheless he heard “relative” and blessedly gave us his rock bottom price to replace the roof. I am beyond grateful for this.

Stage two: paint!

To keep costs ultra-low I handled all of the exterior work myself. I limewashed the brick using Romabio limewash in the color Avario, purchased from Home Depot. It takes one coat (for real) and I was able to do the entire house with quite a bit leftover. A five gallon bucket (what I purchased) costs around $80. A very inexpensive makeover.

Limewash is made from slaked limestone that has been crushed and mixed with water and pigments of color to create a putty. It comes as a chalky clay-like substance. Because it is a completely natural product it has no smell, which is a welcome alternative to paint. (However, the chemical properties of slaked lime can make your eyeballs go blind, so wear goggles to protect your peepers.) You add water to achieve your desired consistency, which is dependent upon what look you’re wanting to accomplish. Many people choose to blast the limed brick with a water hose after applying to wash away coloring to achieve an antiqued/aged brick look. I like this look a lot, but it wasn’t what I was going for on this particular house. I wanted more of a solid white painted brick look, so I kept the consistency a bit thicker. There are measurement ratios on the product’s bucket, but I found them to be pretty off and eventually just added until I had a pancake batter-like consistency. I used my electric drill with a paint mixer attachment to mix up my solution.

Using a large masonry brush (I purchased Romabio’s brand of brush, but any masonry brush would do) I applied a single coat to all of the brick. The lime dries in a chalky matte finish.

I experimented with using a paint sprayer to speed the process, but the lime mixture is thicker than paint and kept clogging the sprayer. The time I spent unclogging and cursing the sprayer and feeling sorry for myself negated any time spraying would have gained me over brushing.

Stage three: accessories

I built shutters for the front windows and stained them a rich walnut.

It should be noted that I spent this particular weekend away from my husband and children eating pizza alone and listening to the audio version of Girl, Wash Your Face. If you ever need a good book to empower you to paint a house, this is your book. You’ll feel like you can and should paint the entire street of houses. Also, order yourself a thin crust pizza with jalapeños. You’ll burn off all of the calories by climbing up and down that wretched ladder. Girl, wipe your face. You have pepperoni grease on it.

I hired a painter to paint the eaves and trim. I’m a messy, horrible painter, and clean lines are not friendly with me. I chose the color Dove Gray by Sherwin Williams for the trim. It’s a nice medium to light gray. Exterior paint colors always wash out slightly, so go a shade darker than the color you’re aiming for.

The front door was changed out for a more modern style. This is my go-to flip house front door. It’s from Lowe’s and runs just under $300. It works on nearly every house. I wanted to use a bright, cheerful front door color that would pop and grab your attention since it’s tucked around the corner. It’s also your first introduction to her signature aqua color. I changed out the house numbers over the garage, and a cute cottagey gooseneck light fixture was the finishing touch. (I’ll add a shot of the front door and light fixture. I don’t have one on my camera roll.)

LIVING ROOM

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What a change! The look I was going for was a homey, feminine, cottagey she-shack.

This room received new paint, new flooring (my favorite budget friendly, durable, pretty luxury vinyl plank), and the star of the show: this semi-flush mount beaded chandelier (from World Market). The walls are Sherwin Williams Gray Owl, and the trim is Snowbound, also SW.

I bought the TV stand (dresser) off of Craigslist, made a couple of repairs to the broken drawers, painted it with chalk paint (I used Annie Sloan’s duck egg blue), and added new hardware from Hobby Lobby. The rug is from Target, the couch is from Ashley Furniture, and the pink wingback chairs were my parents’. The brass picture frames are from Target, and I blew up close-up shots of my boys to fill the frames and surprise her. She loved them.

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Look at what a difference opening up the wall between the two rooms makes! Here’s a “during” progress shot:

During:

KITCHEN AND DINING:

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I wanted this kitchen to be fun, a little quirky, and a lot feminine. The kind of kitchen that doesn’t take itself too seriously. I decided to paint the lower cabinets aqua, her favorite color. To keep it from looking like my toddler designed the space I kept the upper half very monotone to balance out the unexpected bottom: Alabaster white upper cabinets, white subway tile with white grout, a white sink (recycled from another home remodel- FREE!) and white faux marble countertops. The mullet of kitchens: business on the top, party on the bottom. The brass cabinet hardware and faucet give it a modern edge.

Can we talk about these countertops for just a second? These countertops are laminate. Lam 👏🏻 i 👏🏻 nate 👏🏻 . I am beyond impressed with how far this product has come. I ordered them from Lowe’s, custom cut to my measurements, and they arrived a few weeks later ready to be installed. They cost less than $300! And they look like marble (you’re not going to fool anyone into thinking they’re actual marble, nowhere close, but if you don’t enter the situation trying to then you’ll be happy). I kid you not, I luh luh luh luhhhve them and want to make out with them.

I bought the small dining table from Amazon and the metal bistro chairs from Target (online). This fun capiz chandelier is from World Market. The large brass mirror is from Hobby Lobby and is ridiculously heavy and difficult to hang alone (she speaks from experience).

I bought all of the appliances from my favorite hole-in-the-wall secondhand appliance shop in a dicey part of Oklahoma City. There are bars on the windows and guard dogs inside, and if you pay in cash to help them avoid the IRS they give you a hefty discount. It looks like the kind of place that sells drugs and prostitutes too if you’re in the market, but I’ve never confirmed. The place is legit, and I’ve become very fond of the gruff, no nonsense owner. He seems to like it when I call eleven times in one week to ask if they’ve gotten in any stainless steel refrigerators. (One of these times he simply barked “NO,” and hung up on me, but I think it was just a bad connection probably, maybe.)

MASTER BEDROOM

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I had new carpet installed, the walls and trim were painted, and a new ceiling fan was swapped in.

I got this amazing tufted navy velvet bed from Amazon along with all of the bedding. The side tables are from Hobby Lobby along with the lamps. The blue and white prints are from Target. If you have navy decor in your home run, don’t walk, to Target to get this amazing set of tapestry-esque prints! Target hit a home run with these guys. I have them hanging in our master bedroom at the lake house too. (Maybe one day I’ll do a lake house tour post? I didn’t “flip” it, so I don’t know if anyone would want to see that, but I designed the interior finishes and fixtures. Maybe if I’m ever hard up for content? Things to think on?)

I would desperately like to eventually make this room a touch more feminine for her. The velvet texture on the headboard reads as luxurious and softens the space in person, as does the preppy seersucker duvet cover, but overall the room feels more masculine than I like and seems somewhat disjointed from the rest of the house. It bugs me. In due time.

BEDROOM 2

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Again, this room saw fresh paint, new carpet, and a new ceiling fan

The bed was mine from childhood that I was not currently using. I had sanded down the cherry wood and painted it black several years ago. It was one of my very first DIY projects, and I used it in the guest bedroom at our first house that we rented when we got married and moved back to Oklahoma.

The bedding again is from Amazon. She wanted to set this room up to be a playroom for the boys so I found this fun, oversized dog artwork from At Home. It’s quirky and whimsical, perfect for a child’s space. Look at his little cocked head!

BATHROOM/LAUNDRY ROOM

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I chose this fun, retro style black and white tile for the floor. I love that it makes a little flower pattern, another subtle feminine she-shack element, without overtly screaming “OVARIES!” in your face.

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The vanity cabinet that I originally purchased arrived broken from Home Depot. I was able to return it, but I was in a time crunch before she moved in and didn’t have time to wait for another to be delivered to the store (it was a weird size that they don’t keep in stock). I wanted the vanity to be black, which was a tall order given the uncommon size. I scoured my favorite local discount shops and in the final hour found this cool floating vanity with a vessel sink from Jameson’s (a discount store in Yukon that I adore. They even let me rummage around in their warehouse trying to find something that would work. They’re seriously the best!) This particular wall mount vanity was a heavy, gnarly beast that took all of one plumber and two painters to install while I directed. After, while sweating, through pants, they said “please don’t ever make us hang another one of these.” “Shhhh. You know not what you say. Turn and behold it’s beauty,” I said reverently. They were less than impressed. Whatever. I spray painted the satin nickel hardware champagne brass to keep the room’s finishes cohesive.

The vanity light, toilet paper holder, and towel hooks are from Amazon, as are the double shower curtains (which came in the most adorable flamingo printed packaging. I’m a sucker for cute packaging). I DIY’d the floating shelf over the toilet. The round brass mirror is from Target.

BACKYARD

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This photo was technically taken before I finished painting the exterior. A good mowing was all that the yard really needed. She had asked if she could put a swing-set in the backyard for my boys to play on when they visit. One of the houses that I am currently renovating had a mobile swing-set left behind by the previous owners that I plan to bring over to her house when the weather gets a little warmer. I found a Cozy Coupe car on the curb that someone was throwing out and cleaned it up for the kids to ride on the patio space. One man’s trash is another hoarder’s treasure.

THE END?

I would imagine this the part where you want to know the continuation of the story: the happy ending. “What is the status of your relationship with your birth mother now?” Answering this question took some soul searching. I feel like the fairy-tale ending movie version would showcase me running in her door, unannounced, saying “mommy, I’m here for a visit!” The cameras zooming in on our extended embrace. But the truth is this: it’s a hard and complicated thing trying to form a bond, essentially from scratch, with a birth parent.

It feels like an insult or a dishonor to the parents who raised me to fully embrace our relationship. My mother who raised me has Alzheimer’s now, and two years ago we had to place her in a memory care unit at an assisted living center. Her memory has only very recently faded nearly to black. She recognizes me very infrequently now, and my kids not at all. She gets exited to see me- she recognizes that I’m her people, but she doesn’t know me specifically.

However, before this fade to black she ended every- and I’m not being exaggerative here- EVERY phone conversation with me, and in-person visit, with this refrain: “you know you’re my daughter just as much as the other girls are, don’t you? I couldn’t love you any more, not even a little bit more, if I had carried you in my own body. You know that, don’t you? I couldn’t be even a bit prouder of you if you had been in my stomach. I couldn’t love you any more. You’re no different to me than the other girls. You are my daughter.” For 33 years, until her memory was completely lost, she told me this. To the point where I rolled my eyes in a “yeah yeah yeah,” type of way as we got off the phone. I took it for granted. Once, about 3 years ago one of my sisters overheard this exchange as my mom was on speaker phone, and after the call ended she asked incredulously, “is she always like that with you? Always so loving? Does she always say those things?” “Every single time we speak,” I answered.

So, how do you reconcile a life that you lived under the care and love of one set of parents with this old but new person? How do I recognize her for what she is when I had a mother that rocked me back to sleep every two hours as a newborn? When I had a mother who kissed my cuts and scrapes (which were many as the clumsy child that I was)? When I had a mother who held me as I cried over the first kiss I was wanting, but that never came from my homecoming date? When I had a mother who held my hair back and whispered soothing sounds, despite her conservatism, when I came home drunk the first time I tried Boone’s Farm, claiming to have been given a “bad Advil” from a friend, as I vomited? To have a mother that I was so excited to be a Nana to my kids,  but unexpectedly was shattered by the cruel joke that is Alzheimer’s?

I felt like God was giving me and my boys a gift. Their Nana was gone. She would never get to be the amazing grandma to them that she was to my sisters’ kids. Kevin’s family lives in Texas (our boys love Kevin’s family FIERCELY. They’re absolutely AMAZING grandparents, and the boys ask about them, especially their MawMaw daily) but after my dad’s passing and my mom’s Alzheimer’s we were left with no grandparents for the boys HERE. It felt undeniably like God working in our lives when my birth mother wanted to have a relationship with my kids. And even more so when she proved to be amazing with them. Were we being given a person who could be a grandparent to them when my mom could not? And if so, what was my role in all of this? What attitude was I to adopt? What misgivings was I to let go of?

My son came home from school a few weeks ago singing a song that I had forgotten about from my own childhood: “Going on a Bear Hunt.” In this song, the singer is in a quest to find a bear, and on this journey encounters many obstacles. Through the course of this journey they encounter some tall grasses, a lake, and some dense mud. We learn that there is no way over, under, or even around these obstacles, and that the only way in achieving their ultimate pursuit of the bear is through passing *through* them, as uncomfortable and difficult as it may be. How many times in life is this the case? To get to where you need and want to be you have to pass *through* the hard stuff. You have to confront the really ugly and uncomfortable things. At the end of the song, the bear is found in a cave, the goal is achieved, but now the singer is frightened and running away from the bear. Even in this frightened chase the singer must STILL pass *through* the difficult obstacles to run safely away.

I had been running from my birth mother my entire life. I hoped to erase her altogether in pursuit of a normal life by resolutely naming my family “my parents” and my aunts as “my sisters.” I’M SO NORMAL. I’M SO MIDDLE CLASS AMERICAN. NOBODY LOOK AT ME. But all the while I was heaving around a mountain worth of baggage. Was the only way to let it all go to go THROUGH IT? Even though I was running away from it did I still have to go THROUGH it?

Sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable positions. Sometimes he makes it inescapable for us to do things that we do not wish to do. Sometimes he forces us to perform an act of love that we do not wish to perform.

Are these acts of love sometimes, just maybe, not completely for the “lovee,” but actually intended for the somewhat reluctant “lover”? Maybe they’re intended to strip us down and have us give everything of ourselves to take us THROUGH IT so that we’re left exposed and bare and raw and open to be filled up with something new.

I found myself in this position while remodeling this house for my birth mother. I didn’t know what the outcome would be be. I didn’t know if this would heal me or any of my broken parts. I didn’t know how to proceed, but I gave myself to it.

Back to the original question, “what is the status of your relationship with your birth mother now?” I don’t know how to answer that question specifically, other than to update you with some real life happenings. She has lived in her new house for 5 months now. She is so proud of her home and beyond grateful for it. She tears up often when she tries to find words to express her thanks. I don’t need that, but it works away at my heart. I let my boys, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, stay the night away from us, WITH HER last weekend. In the bedroom with the dog painting. I’m not exactly trusting when it comes to my kids, so please hear the volumes that this speaks. They all had the best time ever. She made them pancakes for breakfast in her cute kitchen when they woke up at 5:30am. She couldn’t have been any prouder. While we were alone and sitting together having an adult conversation without kids, my husband said to me, “I can’t put my finger on it, but something is different about you. You seem… deeper, but also maybe lighter? You seem like your faith is different too. It seems stronger.” We sat together and talked about what could have spurred this change. The change came around this time, around the call to remodel this tiny little house for this very specific person.

So, I don’t know how to explain our relationship, other than to say that it’s complicated. She’s trying; I’m trying; my kids are giving themselves 100%. We’re all going THROUGH IT.